Saturday, 29 June 2019

[Post 100]Learning investing/trading together part 18:How to read financial statements and financial ratio part 3

Continue on from the last post here...


Debt to equity
Image result for debt to equity ratio

  • This is an important ratio and it will determine if you are evaluating a highly gear company. Companies with high borrowing are subjected to higher risk than companies with no or low debt. Investors would look at this ratio to determine the company's ability to repay its debt
  • It measures the total liabilities to total shareholder equity. A higher ratio could mean the company is higher financed by debt
  • Ideal Range: 2.0 or less

Debt to Net Profit

  • Debt to Net Profit=Total Debt/Net Profit
  • It measures the company's debt to its net profit
  • Ideal range:3.0 or less

Debt to Cash Flow

  • Debt to Cash Flow=Total Debt/Operating Cash Flow
  • It measures the company's debt to its operating cash flow.It is an indication of the company's ability to cover its total debt with its annual operating cash flow
  • Ideal range: 3.0 or less
Interest Cover
Image result for interest cover
  • It measures the company's ability to pay the interest expenses with sales
  • Ideal Range:1.5 or more
Net Gearing

  • Net Gearing =(Total Debt - Cash)/Shareholder Equity
  • It measures the company's debt to its shareholder equity, The higher the ratio, the more debt and risk the company has
  • Ideal Range:0.5 or less


Inventory Turnover 

  • Inventory Turnover= Inventory/(Costs of Good sold x 365 days)
  • It measures how many days it takes to sell the inventory
  • Ideal Range: The lower the number of days the better

Image result for creditor formula
  • It indicates how many days the company takes to pay its creditor
  • Ideal Range: The higher number of days is ideal as the company can roll its cash flow but it also means that the company has cash flow problems and cannot pay off its debt
Image result for debtor formula
  • It indicates how many days it takes the company to collect its debt from its debtors
  • Ideal Range: The lower the number of days the better

Earning Per share
Image result for earning per share formula

  • It measures how profitable a company is on a shareholder basis. The higher the EPS,the more profitable the company is
  • When earnings per share is negative, it means the company is losing money. 
  • Ideal range: Go for consistent and stable or growing EPS.
Dividend Yield

Image result for dividend yield formula

  • It measures how much dividend the company is paying out compared to stock price.
  • Ideal Range: Go for consistent dividends in the range of 5% to 8%
Price to Earnings(PE)
Image result for price to earning ratio
  • It measures the share price relative to the company's earnings. A higher PE means investors are expecting better future earning or growth
  • High PE=20 and above
  • Average PE=11 to 20
  • Low PE=1 to 10
  • Average Market PE=15
  • Ideal Range=It is better to buy a stock with lower PE ratio assuming all things being equal
  • As the stock price goes up, the P/E ratio goes up
  • As the stock price goes down, the P/E ratio goes down
  • As a company’s earnings go up, the P/E ratio goes down
  • As a company’s earnings go down, the The P/E ratio always equals the number of years it would take in earnings per share to equal the current price of the stock. So if the ratio is 20, it would take 20 years of current earnings to equal the current price of the stock.P/E ratio goes up
  • Compare within the same industry
Price to Book(PB) 

  • It measures the company's market price to its book value. Book Value represents the total amount that would be left over after the company sell off its assets and repaid all of its liabilities
  • Ideal Range: Low PB ratio may mean the company is undervalued. The PB ratio is used to evaluate the assets of each company such as property companies.
Price to Earnings Growth(PEG)

Image result for Price to Earnings Growth(
*Expected EPS growth is also known as Annual EPS growth

  • It measures the company's value to the company future growth
  • A lower PEG may mean the stock is undervalued
  • Ideal Range:0.5 or less
Free Cash Flow Ratio

Image result for free cash flow ratio formula
  • It measures how much free cash the company can generate after deducting the company's capital expenditures
  • Ideal Range:6% or above

Margin of Safety

  • V= Intrinsic Value, P=Current Share Price
  • It is the amount in which the company's shares are trading below the intrinsic value, which is expressed in percentage
  • Ideal Range: A higher margin of safety means there is greater protection for an investor if the share price falls due to falling revenue
  • The general rule of thumb for Margin of Safety
  • 50% Margin of Safety means the stock is undervalued
  • 0% Margin of Safety means the stock is trading at fair value
  • -50% Margin of safety means the stock is overvalued
Understanding financial ratios is a key skill for any investor. Financial ratios illustrate the strength and weakness of a business

While an investor can use financial ratios to evaluate how the business is performing over time, there are certain important points that investors must take note of:

1. Compare the financial ratio within the same industry. This is very important. For example, a different ratio is used to evaluate a food and beverage company compared to an asset-based company

2. Inflation can badly affect or distort the figures in the financial statement, which in turn is reflected in the ratio

3. Using financial ratio to assess the company is not good enough, the company's management also must be looked

4. The company can doctor its accounts to make its accounting attractive, which will affect the valuation of the financial ratios.

Hope you enjoy reading through these few post as financial statement do bore the sh*t out of many people(Including me!).

That''s all for How to read financial statement and financial ratio! 

Wednesday, 12 June 2019

(Post 99/Year 2 Week 30)Staying Awake After A Late Night

How to stay awake after a late night

We all had those days that we needed to pull those late nights,be it rushing last minute assignment light night supper or even clubbing!(woohoo!) 

And if course without a doubt,the next day,you are so tired(or so hungover),that you die die also do not want to climb out if that damn bed for school or work and it is just so hard to stay awake or risk sleeping and get fired or punishment. Don't fret,here are some tips that I recommend to help keep yourselves awake

1.Power nap 

To keep yourself awake jus simply take more nap(more sleep more energy,logic 101,ppl).By taking a quick power nap,you are able to recharge your energy quickly and it also bring about many other health benefits. 

Try to take a quick nap in between your classes or work break as much as possible for a quick recharge *note:do set an alarm or ask your friends to wake you up or you will end up sleeping soundly and miss that classes(happen to me before!) or that very important meeting 

2.move it! 

Heard of that Madagascar song"I like to move it move it,you like to move it move it,we like to...move it!"? Keep the blood flow moving man!be it taking a stroll,some simple exercises or even talking to your friend! *note:don't do jumping jack in the office,everyone will thought that you are some alien from outer space!!

3.Pacing your schedule

Try to plan your schedule out by rescheduling all the excessive energy activities to another day(not referring to that kind of "excessive energy activities",if you know what I mean ;-D ) Just don't try to over exert yourselves and multitasking as much as possible!

4.Drink caffeine!

The last resort if your body still refuse to stay awake after trying all the above few tips. Why is this the last resort you may ask?

Because drink caffeine beverages e.g coffee or energy drinks e.g red bull is a double edge sword,drink it will boost your energy level temporarily when you stop drinking it you will feel even more shagged then before as the as the caffeine beverages just after all increase your energy temporarily. 

Also,drinking too much sugar would have harmful effect to your health such as diabetes *note:try to drink caffeine or energy beverages throughout the day to keep your energy level up at all times and not drink it at one go! 

For myself,I would drink tea instead of coffee to keep myself more healthy. Also,to stay up awake for long and boring lectures,I would be taking down notes(ok,that a lie!),I would be acting like I am taking down but in actually I would be doing my own stuff like writing this article right now(true story),or calculating my spending budget for the day,planning my schedule for the day or even continue with my side project of creating a board game(yes,creating one in progress!!) In short,just do anything that you like to keep yourself awake but don't do any obvious activities like jumping jump,(of course!) 

Tuesday, 11 June 2019

(Post 98/Year 2 Week 30)How to properly valuate a company?

Credit to growth investor from investing note(investing note has lots of good tidbits)

These are the valuation metrics that are commonly used:
- Price to Earnings Ratio (P/E)
- Price to Book Ratio (P/B)
- Discounted Cash Flows (DCF)
- and others…

P/E: This is the simplest of all. It is simply = Share Price divided by Earnings Per Share (EPS).
Trailing P/E refers to Current Share Price divided by the EPS over the past 12 months.
Forward P/E refers to Current Share Price divided by the forecasted EPS for the next 12 months.

A layman’s interpretation of P/E is how much I am willing to pay for the company’s earnings. Example: A P/E of 15 means I am willing to pay 15 times per share for its earnings.

To me, P/E by itself is quite meaningless. It is useful only if you compare the company to its peers’ P/E or the industry average P/E, to judge whether it is under or overvalued.

P/B: Book value is the amount of cash I would get if I were to liquidate the company *today*. It’s like the “net worth” of a company. It is the sum of assets minus total liabilities. Sometimes “Net Asset Value” is used loosely interchangeably as “book value”. Book value per share is simply the book value divided by the total number of shares. P/B is thus Share Price divided by Book Value per share.

A P/B smaller than 1 means the share price is undervalued in terms of book value, while a P/B greater than 1 means overvalued. A P/B ratio < 1 simply provides an assurance to the shareholder that he/she can get back all (in theory) of his invested capital if the company was to go bankrupt.

Simplified Example: If I pay $1 for a share of a company with a P/B of 0.5, and if the company was to be liquidated today, I will in theory get back $2 as a shareholder. In practice this may be less than $2 due to expenses for liquidation and other factors. On the contrary, if I bought a share worth $1 of a company with a P/B of 2, I will at most get back $0.50 if the company was liquidated.

In summary, P/B looks at the value of a company at the point in time when the book value and P/B ratio were calculated.

The problems with using P/B is that it does not take into account the *future* earnings of the company and assumes the total value of its assets is correctly calculated. A company with a P/B ratio of 0.5 does NOT necessarily mean it’s a wonderful company with strong revenue growth.

There are many companies whose P/B ratios remain quite constant through the years. Eg. property development companies.

DCF: This refers to the sum of future Free Cash Flows (FCFs) that can be potentially generated by a company, discounted to present value. It is typically used by value investors to calculate a DCF-based fair value.

To understand this, you need to know the concept of “the time value of money”. In layman’s terms, “time value” refers to the fact that a dollar today may not be worth a dollar in the future due to inflation or deflation. So if a company can generate $2 mill of FCF in the future, I need to discount it to present value to assess what this future $2 m is worth today.

The simplified formula of a DCF-based fair value = Sum of Discounted FCFs divided by number of shares. The calculation can be much more complex due to what is the correct discount rate and the growth rate of FCF to use.

The advantage of using this is that I can judge a company’s worth or fair value by taking into account its future FCF growth (i.e. earnings growth). It definitely provides a more accurate view of a company’s future vs P/B ratio.

The downside of using DCF is that it is very sensitive to the inputs you use (discount rate, growth rate, etc.), hence “garbage in, garbage out”. The calculated fair value can vary a lot based on the input parameters. Also the psychological aspects -- sometimes we may tweak the inputs to our liking subconsciously, hence deriving an overly optimistic fair value.

As stock prices are typically driven by strong revenue growth (as per my observation), using DCF-based fair value will be more appropriate over P/B ratio if you want to maximise investment returns.

In conclusion, P/E and P/B ratios provide a very limited view of a company’s future growth. DCF valuation is often more appropriate. Having said all these, valuation metrics still pretty much serve as a rough estimation and guideline only. In reality, the market may be irrational (esp in the short-term) and many participants do not obey valuation metrics.

Hope this helps!

(Post 97/Year 2 Week 30)How to peel and slice fruit easier and types of food not to store in the fridge

How to peel and slice food easier

Today post will be touching on the clever shortcuts,tip and tricks to peeling and slicing fruits.(just came across these few tips a few day back,thought that it as pretty interesting and wanted to share with you guys)

1.How to cut potato into the most perfect sized potato wedges 

This is pretty simple,just use a Apple cutter to slice the potato and they will be in shape of perfect sized potato wedges 

2.Eating a kiwi the simple way 

First,you cut off the end of the kiwi which is the top and bottom of the kiwi.Next,you use a spoon to scoop it out and bingo you got the kiwi 

3.Slicing an orange the simple way 

The method to slicing an orange is almost the same as the kiwi except with a little twist at the end. First,you cut off the ends of the orange which is the top and bottom of the orange.Next,you slice the orange in the middle to the core,unfold the orange and you will have slice of orange ready. 

4.How to a skin a peach the easy way 

To skin a peach easily,first put the peach into simmering water for a while before taking our the peach and put it in a ice water.After that,slit it with a knife before peeling the skin of the peach Hope this help!:)

Types of food to not store in the fridge

Talking about food always never fail to get one excited but do you know there are some food that should not be store in the fridge? Here are some of the food and the reason why?



Why storing of potatoes in the fridge is not recommended? 

Potatoes store in the fridge will have a texture that is gritty and a flavour that is slightly sweet this is due to the cold temperatures converting starch into sugar.Sunlight will also cause potatoes to taste bitter hence it is recommended to store them in a plastic bag in a cool place 


Why storing tomatoes in the fridges is not recommended? 

Cold temperatures will cause those dull tomatoes to taste even more dull and cause those tomatoes that are sweet to taste less sweet due to the alteration of the tomatoes chemical pathway.Store tomatoes outside in room temperature to let it taste better 

3.Basil leaves 

Why storing basil in the fridge is not recommended? 

As the basil leaves will turn black due to the if the temperature is below 5 degree,do keep it at room temperature with the stem soaks in the water and a plastic wrap around it to prevent it from drying out. 


Why storing watermelon in the fridge is not recommended? 

Watermelon contain beta carotene which promote healthy skin and eyesight.By storing the watermelon outside in room temperature it could double the beta carotene which is good for our health. 


Why storing onion in fridge is not recommended? 

Fridge do not have air circulation and it is very important for onion to have air circulation to stay fresh. Chopped onion should be store in fridge though.Also,it is very important to not store onion and potatoes together as they will cause each to spoil 

Hope this help!:) 

(Post 96/Year 2 Week 30)How can you spot fake news?

With all the talk on fake news online,it can be hard to work out what's actually the real news
Fake news is everywhere from social media to group chat.There are many different type of fake news ,such as child abduction, stories of political unrest and the latest cancer scares from often dubious sources 

1.Check the website and quality of the articles
  • See where the stories come from and read on the sites other articles.
  • Are they well-written using correct quotations or are they riddled with grammatical errors?You should also make sure you're on a legitimate news site.
  • Some fake news site even use similar addresses and even logos to those of real news organizations.
  •, for example, is real while is not real
2.Re check stories on other news sites
  • See where the stories come from and read on the sites other articles.
  • Sometimes it can be a silver of truth to the fake news story, but most of it is fake and figures are made up.
  • For instance, the event and the people mentioned may be real, but they are simply made up of quotes attributed to them and other facts.
  • To ensure that the report is not fictional, search multiple websites for the same story to ensure that nothing was misrepresented
3.Do a google reverse image search

  • Upload (drag and drop) a photo on google to check where the image was used and for what purposes. 
  • This will help you decide whether a photograph was doctored or was falsely represented

4.Do some independent research
  • Check the questionable piece of news against other news sources or fact-checking websites such as, and sources that help debunk fake news, rumors and urban legends
5.Make sure it's not satire
  • If the story is on a satirical website, you should be aware that the intention is humor, not to mislead. These websites publish satirical news stories to make you laugh. 
  • So, if you think a story is a bit fetched, make sure you don't read a satirical website like The Onion.
Hope this help! 

Monday, 10 June 2019

(Post 95/Year 2 Week 30) Tips On Adulting

Whether it is furthering studies or entering the workforce you choose after graduation, it is important for you to stint your own financial plan early in order to meet your financial goals. Starting early allows you to be ahead of the rest just as the early bird gets the worm

Typical concerns of young people would involve (career development, upgrading, and further education, and also enjoy life. Typically, there are low financial burdens, and life responsibility is considerably lower. 

Overstepping potholes 

As a fresh graduate stepping out into the working mild, it may be very exciting as you will now have your very own source of income. Many are tempted to overindulge in lifestyles beyond their means. As a working adult, being seen in the latest fashion apparel and owning the latest gadgets might be amongst the first things that you may wish to accomplish. This often results in low personal savings amongst young executives whose priority is to "enjoy life". However, it is important to remain mindful in managing financial resources carefully and not to overspend.

Start early 

The failure to anticipate changes in lifestyle and life's responsibility is a common mistake. Delayed retirement pinning is the result of overspending, lack of discipline, or simply no planning at all. The longer you wait to start saving and investing, the harder it is to reach you financial goal. One of the greatest advantages you have over others as a young graduate is your age. Time is wonderful friend to have when it comes to investment and retirement planning. 

Investing, not speculating 

Some may have on appetite for investments and it is easy to fall into the top of being a speculator rather than on investor_ There are many who have fallen any to financial sales flitches, where they are won over by discounts, free gifts, or highly lucrative investments. However, the collapse of financial institutions such as Lehman Brothers has also shown the importance of understanding investment products. It is of utmost importance to understand your own risk appetite in order to invest prudently and regularly to achieve reasonable rears aver a long term.

Exposure to catastrophic risk 

Many young people tend to ignore the importance of providing adequately for their dependents (such as parents) in the event of an unforeseen financial catastrophe like death, permanent disability, and critical illnesses. Most would feel safe from financial catastrophe as they are in the prime of health_ The fact is, regardless of age, no one can predict or anticipate when an accident of medical condition will strike. 

Insurability is crucial. It's much harder to plan for a life coverage AFTER one has a medical condition as insures we not so keen to insure people with preexisting conditions. You need to take advantage of your age to start increasing medical, critical illness, and life protection at a low premium. By locking in your insurability early, you on effectively protecting not only yourself but your dependents against the rising medical cost. 

Sunday, 9 June 2019

(Post 94/Year 2 Week 30)How to identify sign of dehydration and prevent dehydration

How to identify sign of dehydration

With global warming gradually increasing the earth temperature and making this planet hotter then before,we tend to get more prone to dehydration,hence we should know what are the sign to prevent dehydration.After All,prevention is better then cure isn't it?
Here are some sign of dehydration

1.Urine That Is Dark

Urine that are lighter in color such as e.g white mean that you quite hydrated,however if the urine is more darker in colour ,it probably mean that you are less hydrated.

2.Dry Lips and Tiredness

Pretty sure it's time for you to get a drink after that long work,by the way do you know that dehydration reduce concentration and cause headaches too?
Do you also know dehydration may cause heart diseases? Do check out part 2 on how to prevent dehydration:)

How to prevent dehydration

Previously,we talk about the different ways to identify sign of dehydration.In this post,we are going to list out some ways to prevent dehydration

1.Bring along a FILL water bottle with you whenever you go 

By bringing a FILL water bottle with
 you whenever ever you go FILL with plain water of course,not only you live healthier by drinking plain water it is also healthier for your wallet as you do not need to whip out your wallet to get a drink anytime you want to quench that thirst 

2.FILL a big bottle of water and put it beside you as you do work 

It is pretty easy to forget quenching that thirst when you are pretty engross in your work or just can't be bothered to that short trip to kitchen to get that cup of water.With a big bottle of water beside,quenching that thirst is as easy as 123 

3.Drink plenty of water during exercising 

During exercising,this would result in excessive loss of water when sweating,hence it is very important to drink lots of water before,during and after exercising 

4.Eat fruit and vegetables that contain water 
Eating fruit and vegetables that contains water not only give us hre necessary vitamin that keep us healthy but also hydrated hence killing two bird with one stone 

Always remember to keep yourself hydrated! 

(Post 93/Year 2 Week 30) Tips on avoiding crowds during the holiday

How to avoid crowd during holiday

Hi,this week my post will be talking about the various strategy to avoid crowd during vacation

We probably all want our vacation to be as smooth as possible as after all we are financings the trip with our hard earn money.And of course one of the major factor that would spoil our lovely vacation is the Incessant crowds,here are some quick tip you can do to make our vacation as perfecto as possible

1.Schedule your holiday at a weekday

Yes,this is pretty straightforward,a place will generally get more crowded during the weekend as people normally are working during the weekday.For example,if you are visiting Disneyland theme park on a weekday not only there will be lesser people,the queue will also be shorter which mean you can ride a lot more attraction making your money more worthwhile.Midday around 2pm is recommend for visiting musuem and art galleries as student that come for a learning journey has return back to school

2.Buy tickets early

Always buy your tickets online early so that you do not need to queue up and can get a headstart in touring the attraction,also many online marketplace such as groupon offer admission tickets at a discount price compare to buying at the ticket counter of the attraction.skipping the queue and buying at a discount price is just simply killing two bird with one stone

3.Ask the locals

Have you heard of the phrase"silence is golden but speech is silver?",by talking to the locals you would discover more cheap deals and the best time to visit the attraction,at the same time you can also know what other hidden attraction the city has to offer and you may even gain a new friend

4.Take note of the weather

What do you feel like doing when the weather's rainy outside?
Stay at home if course!so, when during a vacation and the weather it's pouring,don't fret,in fact you should be smiling as this now the correct time to go out and explore while the crowd are all at home snuggling under their blanket and watching their movies and whatnot

Thanks for reading these week tips!

(Post 92/Year 2 Week 29) Just For Laugh part 3: 100 Jokes From Singapore part 2

Continue on from last chill and relax post ..

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed us the menus. It seemed a little odd, but I dismissed it as a random thing. Until our waiter came with water & tableware; he too, sported a spoon in his breast pocket. I looked around the room, and all the waiters, waitresses etc. had spoons in their pockets.
When our waiter returned to take our order, I just had to ask, “Why the spoons?"
"Well," he explained, "our parent company recently hired some Andersen Consulting efficiency experts to review all our procedures, and after months of statistical analyses, they concluded that our patrons drop spoons on the floor 73% more often than any other utensil; at a frequency of 3 spoons per hour per workstation. By preparing all our workers for this contingency in advance, we can cut our trips to the kitchen down and save time...nearly 1.5 extra Man-hours per shift.
Just as he concluded, a "ch-ching" came from the table behind him, and he quickly replaced a fallen spoon with the one from his pocket.
"I'll grab another spoon the next time I'm in the kitchen instead of making a special trip," he proudly explained.
I was impressed. "Thanks. I had to ask."
"No problem," he answered, then he continued to take our orders.
As the members of my dinner party took their turns, my eyes darted back & forth from each person ordering and my menu. That's when out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a thin, black thread protruding from our waiter's fly. Again, I dismissed it; yet I had to scan the room and, sure enough, there were other waiters with strings hanging out of their trousers.
My curiosity overrode discretion at this point, so before he could leave I had to ask. "Excuse me, but...uh...why, or what...about that string?"
"Oh, yeah" he began in a quieter tone. "Not many people are that observant. That same efficiency group found we could save time in the Men's room, too."
"How's that, I asked?"
"You see, by tying a string to the end of our, eh . . ., selves, we can pull it out at the urinals literally hands-free and thereby eliminate the need to wash our hands, cutting time spent in the restroom by over 93%!" "
Oh, that makes sense," I said, but then thinking through the process, I asked, "Hey, wait a minute. If the string helps you pull it out, how do you get it back in?"
"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the other guys; but I use the spoon in my pocket"!

Phew….that was probably the longest joke I have in this book….

A young man and woman come to a doctor's office and say:
"Doctor, we would like to know if we are screwing properly. Will you watch us, please?"
The doctor, somewhat puzzled, agrees, they climb on his table,the boy gets on top of the girl, and they have sex. After observing them, the doctor says, "Yes, you're having sexproperly. That will be forty dollars."
They come back the next day with the same request, but this time  the boy enters the girl from the rear. They keep coming for four days in a row, using different positions every day.

On the fifth visit the doctor says, "Why do you keep on coming back? I told you you're having sex properly."
The boy explains, "The hotel room costs the same forty dollars, but this way we get reimbursed by Medisave

A mute was walking down the street one day and chanced upon a friend of his (also a mute).
In sign language, he inquired how his friend had been doing. The friend replied (vocally!), "Oh, you can stop using sign language. I can talk now!"
Intrigued, the mute pressed him for details. It seems that he had gone to a specialist, who had put him on a treatment program that had restored the use of his vocal chords. Gesturing wildly, the mute asked if he might meet this specialist. They got an appointment that very afternoon.
After an exam, the specialist proclaimed that he would be treated as well “Yes, yes" signed the mute. "Let's have the first treatment right now!"
"Very well," replies the specialist. “Kindly go into the next room, drop your pants and lean over the examining table. I'll be right in."
The mute does as instructed and the doctor sneaks in with a broomstick, mallet, and jar of Vaseline. Greasing the broom handle, he "sends it home" with a few deft swipes of the mallet.
The mute jumps from the table, screaming, "AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa!!!"
"VERY good," smiles the doctor. “Tomorrow, we will start with 'B'"

More teacher joke...
Substitute teacher: Are you chewing gum?
Billy: No, I'm Billy Anderson.

Teacher: Didn't you promise to behave?
Student: Yes, Sir.
Teacher: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
Student: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don't expect you to keep yours.

Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
John: I hope you didn't either

John: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
Teacher: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.

Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
John: Because of absence.
Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
John: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.

Ah Ming: Dad, can you write in the dark?
Father: I think so. What do you want me to write?
Ah Ming: Your signature on this report card.

Teacher: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
Father: What's that?
Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.

Teacher: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
Ah beng: You can't fool me Teacher... snakes don't have feet.

Hygiene teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
Ah lian: Don't bite any.

Teacher: Ah swee, go to the map and find Singapore.
Ah swee: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered Singapore?
CLASS: Ah swee!

Teacher: Why are you late, ah kow
Ah kow: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Ah kow: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using tables!

Teacher: Xiao Ming, what is the chemical formula for water?
Xiao Ming: H I J K L M N O!!
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Xiao Ming: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

Teacher: Xiao Ming, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Xiao Ming: Me!

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, ah beng, do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
Ah beng: Because George still had the axe in his hand

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

There once was a very good old barber in New York.
One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:
"I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service."
The Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut.
But the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.
A Singaporean software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service."
The Singaporean software engineer is happy and leaves.
The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there?
Can you guess?
Come on, think like a Singaporean....
Have you got the answer?
A dozen Singaporeans waiting for a free haircut!

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner and even fix his car.
As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his way.
Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks accept him, feed him, and even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."
The man says, "All right, all right. I'm *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?"
The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk."
The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, "I have travelled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth."
The monks reply, "Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound."
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is right behind that door."
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, "Real funny. May I have the key?" The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is *another*door, this one is made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, amethyst...
Finally, the monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."
The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.
But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

Hahaha, probably one of my more favourite jokes

A young soldier and his commanding officer board a train headed through the mountains of Switzerland. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young soldier are interested in each because they are giving each other "looks."
Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black.
There is a sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap.When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.
The grandmother is thinking to herself: "It was very brash for that young soldier to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."
The commanding officer is sitting there thinking: "I didn't know the young soldier was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him and slapped me instead!"
The young woman was sitting and thinking: I'm glad the soldier kissed me, but I wish my grandmother hadn't slapped him!"
The young soldier sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself: "Life is good. When does a fellow have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his commanding officer all at the same time?"

Young 13 years-old Jenny woke up one morning wondering about her age. Her grandparents have been staying at her house for a week, and so she went to her grandmother.
"Grandma?" said Jenny. "Yes dear?" replied her grandmother.
"How old am I?" asked Jenny. "Well, honey..." replied the grandmother, and after a few moments of thinking she answered - "You're 13."
"Wow grandma! How did you find that out?" wondered Jenny.
"Well, Jenny, last year you celebrated your 12th birthday, so I made the math and reckoned you're now 13."
"Thank you grandma! You're so smart!" Said Jenny, and headed off to her grandfather.
"Grandpa, grandpa, how old am I?" asked Jenny.
"Well, Jenny...." Said the grandfather, and after a few moments of thinking said- "Take off your blouse...” So Jenny took off her blouse.
"Now take off your pants." said the grandfather. Jenny took off her pants with a bewildered look.
"Now your bra" said the grandfather. Jenny took off her bra, staying topless.
"And your panties" said the grandfather. Jenny took off her panties, now completely naked.

The grandfather examined her for a few minutes and then said- "Well, Jenny, you're 13!"
"Wow grandpa!” Said Jenny, amazed, "How could you tell?"
"I heard grandma." said the grandfather.

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite some time, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me only 5 MONTHS to do it," Ah Beng said.
"FIVE MONTHS? Why did you take so long." the friend asked.
Ah Beng replied, "No, it is not long at all, look at the box, it says it is for 4 to 7 years".

A Japanese passenger stay at Marina bay sand Hotel and wanted to go to the airport. The hotel helps him to book a cab. A comfort sonata (made in Korea) arrived, the cab driver help him to load up his luggage. He hop into the cab and the driver drives on. While driving along ECP, the Japanese wind down the window when he see a Toyota crown cab speed pass and he shouted “Toyota Crown, very good and fast, made in Japan. The cab driver was stunned and keep quiet wondering what's going on with his passenger. Another Toyota wish cab speed pass and he shouted, "Toyota Wish, very good, make in Japan, then a Honda freed speed past, he shout again," Honda, good make in Japan." The taxi driver ignore his crazy passenger and he drive on slowly and steady.
When reached the airport, the Japanese passenger asked the taxi driver, why the fare so expensive? The driver look at him and reply “Meter very fast, good, make in Japan".
Ah Beng: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is the final game.

Ah Beng: If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I’ll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng: No, I’ll also stay with your sister.

Ah Beng: People consider me as a ‘GOD’
Mother: How do you know??
Ah Beng: When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again.

Ah Beng complained to the police: ‘Sir, all items are missing except the TV in my house.’
Police: ‘How come the thief did not take TV?’
Ah Beng: "I was watching TV news…"

Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying ‘Parking Fine’
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for complement."

Ah Beng told his servant: ‘Go and water the plants!’
Servant: ‘It’s already raining.’
Ah Beng: ‘So what? Take an umbrella and go.’


My sister came home from work last night and she was hot and bothered. She saw me in the hallway and said: "Take off my blouse". So I did as she said and took off her blouse. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I continued and took off her skirt. "Take off my heels." Once again, I did as she said and I took off her heels. "Now undo my pantyhose, bra, and panties." And quickly, I took them off. Then she looked at me in the eye and said... "I don't want to catch you wearing my clothes ever again."


Two rich men were talking over coffee one day and one of them said to the other one "Hey I tell you my driver is really stupid... you don't believe? Let me show you." and he called his driver Ah Beng over and said "Ah Beng, here is a 10 dollar note, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes." to which Ah Beng replied, "Yes Sir! right away!" and rushed off to the showroom. The rich man turned to his friend and said, "See, I told you he was stupid." The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see stupid, I will show you stupid." and he called his driver, Ali. "Ali, go home now and check to see if I'm at home." to which Ali said, "Yes Sir, right away Sir." and ran home. "See what I told you? He doesn't even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here." Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Ah Beng said to Ali, "Eh, you know my boss is so stupid. He gave me 10 dollars and ask me to go to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes..... Doesn't he know that today is Sunday lah, the showroom is closed?" Ali replied, "You think he is stupid ah? My boss lagi worse, he asked me to go home to check if he is at home... He got handphone what can just call home what!

A Christian, Muslim and Hindu were arguing whose God is best. The Christian then brought them to the top of the HDB flat and said" my God is the best cause he will save me when ever I need him". He climbed the ledge and jumped down from the 10 storey flat. As he was about to meet his doom “he shouted “Jesus save me!”. Poof and he appeared whole and safe back on the top floor. The Muslim, not to be outdone- said" mine will save me too!" And jumped down. He shouted “Allah save me!" And the same thing happened as with the Christian. The Hindu - seeing this and knowing that the pride of his religion is at stake, proceeded to climb the ledge, said “I will invoke the power of my gods to save me!" And jumped.
Why did the Hindu die?
Answer: He didn't have time to recite all the names of his gods before he hit the ground.

Ah Qiang walk for a very long time, suddenly his leg become very suan (tired), why?
Answer: Because he step on a lemon

Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes, dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No la, my is undying love only

During an ASEAN meeting, all leaders of the ASEAN countries were present, including Lee Kuan Yew.
During a conversation, Dr. Mahathir of Malaysia says, “I came up with a bright idea to produce Proton cars and with an initial investment of M$1 billion, we now make M$50 million a year. That is what I call Money Mind.”
Mr. Suharto of Indonesia says: “I am going to start a car manufacturing plant to produce our National car for only $500 million RP and it will generate $50 million RP a year. Isn’t that smarter?”
As usual, Lee Kuan Yew of Singapore was not impressed and say, “I told my Minister of Transport to spend SGD$500 to buy an old printing machine and we also made SGD$50 Billion a year.”
Everybody was taken aback and asked “What the hell can you do with just SGD$500?”
Lee replied “I use the machine to print COE.”

88) A young boy asks his Dad, 'What is the difference between confident and confidential? ‘Dad says, 'you are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential! '
Barack Obama, Vladimir Putin and Lee Hsien Loong were sitting poolside, having tea and enjoying some idle banter.
Obama said: "You know, the US Navy SEALs are the best military force in the world. Those guys are fearless, and they will do anything their commander in chief tells them to!" He then instructs the groundskeeper to fill the pool full of alligators and piranhas.
Having done so, he proceeds to order a US Navy SEAL to jump into the pool and swim all the way to the other end. The SEAL promptly does so, and emerges at the other end bitten and bleeding, but manages to snap off a salute to his president before collapsing.
Vladimir Putin then goes "Pssht, is nothing. Russian Spetsnasz commandos are braver, they will gladly die for Mother Russia. I prove to you!"
He then tells the groundsman to throw floating mines, string anti-personnel mortars and concertina wire across the water surface, following which he orders a Spetsnasz commando to jump in the pool and swim to the other end. The Russian commando promptly snaps off a salute and does so, but unfortunately trips a mine and dies in the process. "You see, he die gladly for Mother Russia!" exclaims Putin.
Lee Hsien Loong then chips in with "You think that's impressive? You haven't seen anything yet. Bring one of my NSmen in, please." After an NSman arrived, LHL then tells the groundsman: "Hey, fill the whole pool with acid, concentrated acid, anything that goes in sure die one."
The groundsman does so, and soon the pool is overflowing with corrosive acid.
Lee then turns to the NSman, and says "You, jump in and swim to the other end." The NSman looks back at Lee, pulls a face, and shouts "WTF?!? YOU SIAO ARH?"
Lee then turns to the other two world leaders and says "You see? HE DARES TALK BACK TO ME."

Why did Ah Beng go to a R(A) movie with his 18 friends?
Answer: Because below 18 was not allowed

Question: If you see 2 Chinese men holding hands & you call them "gays", what do you call 10 Chinese man holding hands? Answer: CHINGAY!!

Ah Beng, Mohammad and Muthu were at sea when they were hijacked by a group of pirates. The pirates cornered the 3 men and said "Give us all your valuables!"
The chief pirate then raised a syringe and added, "Or else we'll inject you with the AIDS virus!" Mohammad quickly stripped off all his valuables and handed them to the pirates. Satisfied, they threw him into the sea.
Muthu was equally quick to comply with the pirates' wishes. Similarly, he removed his valuables and surrendered them to the pirates. Like Mohammad, he was thrown into the sea. Finally it came to Ah Beng's turn,He stared at the pirates and sneered. "You all kee see lah! (Go and die!) Inject, inject lah, you'll never get my lolex (Rolex) and my wallet!" The pirates, showing no mercy, injected Ah Beng with the HIV virus, and robbed him of his precious watch and wallet. They then threw him into the sea with the rest. In the water, both Mohammad and Muthu commended Ah Beng for his bravery. However, they were pretty perplexed by why he was unafraid of the virus. Grinning, Ah Beng answered, "AIDS I not scared,I got condom!!!"

There was this young and pretty bimbo who just started work. After her first week, her lao bu asked her, “Why you every day eat MacDonald? Your pay also not high?” Pretty bimbo girl said, “Never mind one. My boss give me treat.” “Everyday?” her mother eye big big look at her. “Where got boss so good one? And why you every day wear so short dress to work?” “Aiya, Ma,” Pretty bimbo Girl said. “My boss very nice one. But he old Liao, Cannot climb ladder. Everyday also ask me climb ladder take something from top shelf. He some more hold ladder for me. So kind, rite?”
“Aiyo!” her mother exclaimed, “You kanna cheated liao. Your boss is chi kopek (perverted old man). Actually, he is peeping at your panties.” “Is it?” pretty bimbo girl said. “Wah Lau. Why he like that one?” The next day, pretty bimbo girl went to work in mini-skirt as usual. When she returned, her mother asked, “Ah Girl, your boss got ask you climb ladder take things again?” “Got.” Pretty bimbo girl said. “Aiyo,” her mother exclaimed “I oredi told you right? Your boss is chi kopek. He is peeping at your panties lah.” “No worries, Ma,” Pretty bimbo girl said. “Today I didn’t wear panties.”

Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring lor - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear. So Kena lor!" "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But... What happened to the other ear?" "That stoopid Dumbo called back!"


What’s the difference between ang-mor and Hokkien fairy tales? Ang-mor fairy tales begin with: "Once upon a time..." Hokkien fairy tales begin with: "Lim Peh ka li Kong..."


Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend and kills him. Wife says 'If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends.'

A small boy wrote to Santa Claus, ‘send me a brother'....
Santa wrote back, 'SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'....


Teacher: 'Do you know the importance of a period?'
Kid: 'Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.'


Dr. Quek made a routine house call to Mr. Lim, one of his elderly patients.
He asks, "And how are you doing today, Mr. Lim?"
Mr. Lim replies, "I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it's the strangest thing. Every night when I get up to pang jio, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door!" The doctor is worried that the old man is getting senile, so he phones the man's son, and the son's wife answers. The doctor tells her, "Mrs. Lim, I'm a little concerned about your father-in-law. It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on...
At which point, Mrs. Lim yells, "Ah Seng! Ah Pa pang jio in the fridge again!”


Ah Beng: “Could you tell me the time difference between Singapore and London?” Operator: “Just a minute…”
Ah Beng: “Thank you” *puts down the phone* 
One last one, as a bonus...

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an Singaporean and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared.
Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of Water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and Immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was aso contented with his beer pool. The last is the Singaporean. He was running towards the pool when suddenly He steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!!........."
Hahaha that's all folks!thanks for reading!