(Post 91/Year 2 week 28)Learning investing/trading together part 17:How to read financial statements and financial ratio part 2

Continuing on from last post..

Note:The Cash flow statement are taken from Singpost(S08),yahoo Finance

Cash Flow Statement

• Cash Flow Statement show the flow of cash in and out of the business
• It is broken down into operating, financing and investing activities

Cash Flow:Operating Activities

• Operating activities include manufacturing, selling and delivering the product of the company as well as collecting payment from its customers. 
• This could include the purchase of raw materials, inventory building, advertising, and product shipping.
• The higher the cash flow of operations, the stronger the company is. Investors love strong cash flow companies.

Cash Flow:Financing Activities

• What interest investor the most in this part of the statement is the dividends.
• It means good news for the investor if the company pays consistent dividends. 
• This statement shows the cash flow from all financing activities other than dividends. 
• Typical cash flow source includes cash raised through the sale of stocks and bonds or bank borrowing.

Important: You will find the word "Note" with the numbered item below as you go through the actual accounting numbers in the annual report. Please read the notes as they reveal important information about certain items.

Cash Flow: Investing Activities

• This statement shows the cash used to purchase assets such as property, plant and equipment for the long-term purpose of operating the business and other investment or acquisition. 
• If the business sells assets or an investment subsidiary, it will be reflected as cash from investment activity.

Note:If the expediture (purchase of property, plant and equipment) increases, you may want to investigate whether the company's revenue also increases. If expenditure increases but income does not increase, the investor should be careful

Financial ratio

• Most of us do not have the luxury of looking through financial statement all day long(or prefer to avoid looking at financial statement)  after a long day at work.Hence, using the financial ratio to gauge which company to invest and trade will help to speed up the process
• A Financial ratio is simply used to evaluate whether we should invest in the company or not.
• There are many websites that show the financial ratio for different company(e.g SGX website),so we do not need to do any calculation to get the ratio(what a relief,eh?),this would also help us to save time evaluating on the company
• Hence,we are only require to understand what the different financial ratio means...

Financial ratio are generally divided into five different categories
1)Liquidity,
2)Profitability 

3)Debt

4)Efficiency 

5)Others

1.Liquidity

Current Ratio

• A simple ratio of current asset divide by current liabilities
• Current liabilities are debt that need to clear in the short term(in a year)
• If a company has a current ratio less then 1.0, do not invest in it
• If a company has a current ratio more then 2.0, May consider investing in it
• The higher the current ratio, the better

Cash Ratio

• Measures the ability of the company to cover its liabilities.
• The higher the ratio,the more cash the company has, to pay off the current liabilities
• The ideal range:More than 1

Quick ratio

• Quick ratio is used to determine if the company has enough short term assets to sell to cover its current liabilities(debt)
• The quick ratio is almost similar to current ratio except that it is assumed that the company does not sell its inventories(e.g Toyota inventory is its car) or stock, it is still able to fulfill its debt
• If the company has a quick ratio of 0.75 and below, do not invest in it
• If the company has a quick ratio of 1.25 and above, May consider investing in it
• The higher the quick ratio the better

2.Profitability

Gross Profit Margin 

• The proportion of money left after deducting revenue from the cost of sold goods. It is best if the margin remains consistent or is increasing year after year.
• Ideal range: 15 % or more. Please compare with other companies in the same industry

Net Profit Margin

• The proportion of money left after deducting income from all expenses. 
• It measures the ability of the company to meet all operating costs (including indirect costs). 
• Low profit means that the company has no competitive advantage or the ability to increase prices.
• Ideal Range: 8 percent or more

Return on Equity

• It is one of the most important ratios to investors. 
• It measures how much profit a company generates from the money of the shareholder. 
• Ideal range: 15% or more

Return On Assets

• It measures how much profit the company is generating from its assets. 
• It is also known as Return on Investment.

Selling,General & Administrative Expenses

• It measures the ability of the company to control its overhead. 
• Ideal range: the lower the better

Will continue part 3 here!

(Post 90/Year 2 Week 27)TipforThought: Tips on managing your anger ,phone data and taking great picture with your phone

Managing Your Anger

Anger is known to have adverse health effect such as increasing cholesterol levels and you may have seen in drama albeit on a comedic way when in an heat of the moment when arguing,may give you a heart attack,not to mention it will destroy relationship around you such as work relationship and love relationship,I mean like come on,who would want to work and love with people that have anger management issue?,but don't fret here are some managing anger tips for you

1.Take a deep breath

Easiest to do anytime and anywhere and still the most effective remedy that people can use on their daily life and various other situation such as nervousness e.g before giving a speech in front of a huge crowd.In our case for anger management,before you are going to say something mean or after you had already done the damage,take a deep breath to cool down before remedying the situation it always wise to solve anything with a calm mind 

note*some people may need to take a deep breath multiple times before they really calm down 

2.listen to music 

Another effective remedy which is just simply listen to soothing music 80s or 90s music are recommended,if not just simply play your favorite music to calm yourself down 

3.Do something else 

Yes,do something else to let off the steam,be it cycling or badminton or jogging any exercise that let you channel your angry energy out 

4.keep an important check on yourself

 This is probably the most useful thing to do,if you are someone who constantly get riled up by something easily you should always keep check on your temple by constantly observing yourself self-consciously when and what get you fire up.For example in my case,when I am awoken by someone else and not via alarm clock,I would be irritated easily.You should constantly check that you are in a state of balance even when the situation irritate you,remember the one who loses it loses the argument,keep calm always!! 







5.laugh 

This may sound weird but when you are in the heat of the moment,laugh out loud(lol!)okay,maybe not that loud,but laugh it off and thought about how silly you are sounding getting so riled up for every little thing now and then and thought about how to remedy this situation 

How to Manage your Phone Data

Nowadays,it seem like everyone uses smartphone and is constantly scrolling through the various social media such as facebook,Twitter and instagram to catch up with the latest news(or maybe just checking up on people life?) And also watch the latest drama and all that.But do you know that streaming dramas and scrolling through that social media feed via your phone take up hundreds of mb(megabytes)?

With data plan being costly,it is very important to save what data that we can save,here are some of the ways to save that mobile data usuage.

1.Use more public WiFi 

With more and more public WiFi being prevalent in public places such as macdonald or Starbucks and also library,there is no need to use your data,simply just head down to the nearest macdonald,Starbucks or library!

2.Watch out for those ads

From the above statement,you may be thinking that I probably don't go anywhere near ad(other then youtube probably)but are you sure those free games don't come without ads?after all the games publisher require ads in those "free games"to funds and run the games.But to be on the safe side do download an ad blocker

3.Using GPS

Try to download map beforehand you set out on a road trip as downloading map data using your phone GPS is data consuming or perhaps if you already had a car GPS try to use it to navigate to your destination

4.Use a data compressing app
On the Google play store there are various data compression app such as opera max which is a VPN app that compress your data or you can use opera browser which has a data saving feature known as opera turbo.

Extra tip:how to disable facebook app autoplay setting to either wifi and mobile data connection,wifi only or never autoplay video

How to take a great picture

Living in a digital age armed with smartphone camera,we constantly seem to find ourselves taking pictures there and then.whether it is to post on social media or to take down a particular happy moment.Here are some tip to take a great picture.

1.Shoot close up 

By shooting close up at a particular item or object e.g a portrait or a statue,you are able to capture more detail about the item or object

2.Positioning of the landmark 

By positioning landmarks e.g the effiel tower toward the left or right side of the picture,it would enhanced the picture. 

3.Taking multishot 

When taking pictures,take multishot of a particular scene so that you will have a wider choice of picture to select the better picture among them,it would also serve as a backup if you accidentally delete one or two photo while editing(happen to me pretty often!)

4.Create a scene of deja vu

By re-shooting a particular scene throughout the day e.g skyline,you will be able to capture the scene on a different light e.g sunrise and sunset and have the best of both worlds 

Hope this helps!:)

(Post 89/Year 2 week 26)Learning investing/trading together part 16:How to read financial statements(Profit/loss statement and Balance Sheet)

This week on learning investing/trading together, we will be learning how to read the financial statement, this is important as it allows us to judge whether we should invest in the company or not. (I know it sounds boring, but stick with me ok😄?)

I have written on reading some part of the financial statement, a year back here. As it does not cover the financial statements thoroughly, this post will be a good pre-read before we delve into the "deeper" stuff.

Some of this post material is from the book: How I become a profitable trader after losing $30,000(by Koh Ming Shao), you can either buy the book online or borrow the book from the library(remember my tip on borrowing books from the library?)

So let's get straight to the point!

A typical company financial statement is made up of 3 component

1. Profit And Loss Statement
2. Balance Sheet
3. Cash Flow Statement

I will be using Singpost financial statement from yahoo finance as an example.Do note that i will be not be going through the terms,only those term that will be use in my upcoming post on financial ratios will be used(I will explain more about it in the future post).

Profit and Loss Statement

• The Profit and Loss Statement shows the company's revenues and expenses over a particular period, usually a year
• To summarize, the Profit and Loss statement show how profitable the company is
• Below is an example of a Profit and Loss Statement/Income statement of Singpost (stock code: S08), refer to this link for the Profit and Loss statement from Singpost
• **refer to important

Revenue

Total Revenue

• Revenue is the amount of money a company earns through its business.
• A good company should see its revenue increase year by year

Cost of revenue

• It included those directly linked to product production, such as labor costs, materials, and overhead production. 
• For example, for singpost, the sales cost refers to the electricity bill requiring the operation of the machinery, fuel for the transportation of workers, etc.(A little unsure about it myself also, as there are many factors affecting the costs of goods)

Gross profit

• The difference between revenue and cost of revenue. The number gives an indication of the company financial health
• Higher gross profit also indicates that the company can fend off competitors from the same industry
• With high gross profit, the company can pay for its operating costs and other expenses
• Hence, the more the better!
• Gross Profit=Revenue-Cost Of revenue

Net Profit

• This is the difference between the revenue and all of the expenses incurred for the cost of doing business(overhead)plus interest and depreciation.
• It represents the profitability of the company. Higher net profit may also mean that the company is able to price their product higher than their competitor
• However, if the company is constantly cutting its cost to drive up revenue, it is not a solid company as its revenue growth may have become stagnant

Operating expenses

Research development

• Expenses spend on researching product and, service.
• The intention to develop a product or service that will provide income over the coming years, E.g. singpost researching on a new mail sorting machine
• Research development 2018: Nil

Selling general and administrative

• Sum of all direct and indirect selling expenses and all general and administrative expenses (G&A) of a company
• E.g corporate and sales or marketing salaries, commissions, advertising and any promotional materials
• Selling general and administrative 2018:$147,624,000

Non-recurring 

• Unusual charge, expense, or loss that is unlikely to occur again(one time off payment) 
• This include lawsuit payments and moving expenses

Total operating expense

·   An operating expense is an expanse a business incurs through its normal business operation.

·   Operating expenses include rent, equipment, inventory cost, marketing, payroll, insurance and funds allocated for research and development

Operating income or loss

·   Operating income is an accounting figure that measures the amount of profit realized frombusiness’s operations, after deducting operation expenses such as wages, depreciation, and cost of goods sold

·   Total other income/Expenses net

Net income

·    Income minus cost of goods sold, expenses and taxes for an accounting period

Income from continuing expenses

Interest expense

·   It represents interest payable on any borrowing, bonds, loans, convertible debt or line of credit

Earnings before interest and taxes

·   An indicator of a company’s profitability.

·   Revenue minus expenses excluding tax and interest.

·   Also known as operating earnings, operating profit and profit before interest and taxes

Income before tax

·   This refers to the profit a company made before paying its income tax bill

Income tax expenses

• The tax that the company have to pay to the government

Minority interest

• Minority interest refer to the minority stockholders(retail investor like you and me) shares holding

Net income from continuing ops

• The net income that the company earn after deducting the tax

Balance sheet

• The balance sheet provides you with a snapshot of the company's financial strength at the end of the accounting year. A balance sheet tells you what a company owns (Assets) and what the companies owe(Liabilities). It is divided into 5 component as follows

1. Non-Current Assets
2. Current Assets
3. Current Liabilities
4. Non-Current Liabilities
5. Shareholder's Equity

• Below is an example of a balance sheet

Non-Current Asset

• Non-current assets are assets a company does not expect to convert into cash within the current year or may take longer than one year to sell
• Some examples of non-current assets are property, plant equipment, and vehicles. These assets are used to run the business, and can not be sold

Current Asset

• Current assets are assets that the company is expected to convert into cash, such as cash and short-term deposits (sometimes referred to as cash and cash equivalents or cash and bank balances), inventories, trading receivables, and money that the company is expected to collect as part of a project's progressive payment (applicable to a project-based firm).
• Under current assets, a few important components you should know are:
• Cash & Cash Equivalents is the amount of money the company has in the bank. Remember, Cash is KING! 
• If the company has more cash, it either means the company may not have to borrow or just borrow a little to run the business. 
• Investors love investing in a company with little or no debt.
• With little or no borrowing, if the business is not profitable or growing, the companies will be spared from high interest expenses or the possibility of running debt repayment problems. . 
• However, if the company sits on a pile of cash but does not return the cash to shareholders as a dividend or expand the business, the management does not make good use of the money and generate better returns for shareholders.

• Trade and other receivables also relate to commercial debtors.It is the monies that are own to the company by their customers. 
• Like most businesses, their customers would be given credit terms as a gesture for an ongoing business relationship. 
• Credit terms are given to their loyal customers such as 30 days, 60 days or even 90 days. Investors would like to see a reduction in trade and other receivables
• Rising trade receivables would mean that the company has trouble collecting creditors ' payments and would have a severe impact on the cash flow of the company. 
• However, due to the nature of their business, some companies always have trade that is admissible on the high side. You will need to compare companies in the same sector to determine the trend

• Inventory refers to raw material, work-in-progress good and finished product that the company has yet to be sold off or delivered.  Investors love to see the inventory moving quickly. 
• The faster the stock is sold, the more income the company can generate.

Current Liabilities 

• Current Liabilities are what the company owes and must be repaid with the current accounting year.
• These include trade and other payables (also known as commercial creditors), loans and borrowing, amounts due to clients for contracts and ongoing contract work (only applicable to a project-based company), and other financial obligations

Non-Current Liabilities

• Non-current liabilities are what the company owes and will only be repaid after one year or more

Shareholders' equity

• Shareholder equity refers to the company's value or net worth. 
• It basically means the money that is left if a company sold all of its assets and paid off all of its liabilities. 
• This leftover money belongs to the shareholders, or the owners, of the company
• Equity= Assets -Liabilities
• The most important section of equity is retained earning also known as retained profits or accumulated profits. 
• As the word suggests,, the company will retain retained earning for investment purposes, distribute them as a dividend or pay off its debt,.If the company is making losses, it will be called retained losses.

Will continue the post at here!

(Post 88/Year 2 Week 25) Just For Laugh part 2: 100 Jokes From Singapore part 1

Back again with part 2 of chill and relax

Presenting 100 jokes from Singapore!

100 jokes from Singapore is one of my early attempt to write an eBook(about 5 years ago?). Leaving  it in a DUST is such a waste so,here i am...

Disclaimers note: Do note that some of the joke(in fact most )are not created by me but let's just laugh, and enjoy this post without worrying about the small detail,ok?with that,let's head off to having a good laugh,eh? 

Let's start off with a series of questions and answer…..

1)

If mantou and tau sar bao went to see a sad movie, who will cried?

Answer: tau sar bao because mantou no filling (feeling, geddit?)

Ok moving on.... 

2) 

If a big bao and a tao sar bao went to see the same sad movie again who cried?
Answer: Big bao because more filling (feeling, still geddit?)

Last one guys…. 

3)

If a lian rong bao and a tao sar bao, both the same size went to see the same movie yet again, who cried?
Answer: Lian rong bao, because tao sar bao see third time liao see until sian (bored in hokkien dialect)liao.

There seem to be an American version with burger somewhere my friend remarked when he read this joke.My reply was "that why this post is called 100 jokes from singapore and not 100 American jokes, lol!" 

By the way have you heard of the Singapore version of the three little bear story? 

4)

3 bears came home after a hunting trip:
"Somebody has been eating my porridge “said Father Bear.
"Somebody has been eating my porridge too “said Brother Bear.
"Somebody has been eating my porridge and eaten it all up “cried Baby Bear
Mama Bear:F.ucking fatties, I haven't even cook the f, ucking porridge yet....

Okay, I actually contemplated whether to omit out the bad words in that joke, but you know it doesn't really have the punchline without it...Anyway I am not stereotyping on Singaporean girl lazy to cook nowadays or maybe? Here's a joke about women anyway.. 

5) 

Why are hurricanes named after women?
Answer: They all start wet and wild and when they leave, they take the car and house with them

6)

Why is NS man the most eligible man in the Singapore?
Answer: because he can cook and sew! Most importantly he is already used to taking orders from people

Fortunately, all Singaporean man have to serve 2 years of conscripted national service so that make us all eligible,yay! 
Talking about national service, there is quite a few jokes about it....


7) 
How many NS man does it take to change the lightbulb?
Answer: 13 man
1 Commanding officer to approve training
1 supervising officer
1 conducting officer
1 safety officer
1 sergeant to conduct warmup and cool down
1 medic
1 vehicle operator
1 storeman for the drawing of bulb and water point
2 medics in the medical center
1 medical officer on standby at the nearest 24hr medical center
1 NSF man to participate in training
1 clerk to loan out the lesson plan

Okok, perhaps only ns man are able to geddit, anyway time for some heartland joke..

8) 

Ah Beng and Ah Seng went to a hawker center. Ah Seng noticed the hygiene grades issued by the Ministry of Health posted at each stall and asked Ah Beng, "Eh, the 'A', 'B', 'C' 'D' stand for what ah?"
Ah Beng snorted and said, "Aiyah, this sort of thing you also donno! 'D' stands for 'delicious', 'C' stands for 'can eat', 'B' stand for 'buay sai' (cannot) and 'A' stand for 'Alamak'!"*(oh my god!)

There is another version for this though..

9)

Ah Beng and Ah Seng went to a hawker center. Ah Seng noticed the hygiene grades issued by the Ministry of Health posted at each stall and asked Ah Beng, "Eh, the 'A', 'B', 'C' 'D' stand for what ah?"
Ah Beng snorted and said, "Aiyah, this sort of thing you also donno! "A" stand for  "A sai"( can lah) ","B" stands for " buay pai(not bad)","C" stands for can ka sai(like shit) and "D" stand for "diarrhea".

Random question coming up...

10)

How do you confuse a Malay dude?
Answer: Put him in a round room and ask him to lepak (relax) one corner.

11)

Ben: the other day I went to city harvest church for Sunday service and tell a joke, do you know what happened?
Adam: No, what happened?
Ben: when I tell the joke, everyone went Kong hehehe and sun hohoho

12)

Why didn't anyone win the contest?
Answer: Because the contestants were "conned"

13) 

Why couldn't john log into his singpass?
Answer: Because he didn't pass his singing.

14) 

Why are concerts always windy?
Answer: because there is a lot of fans
15)

Which animal is the best fighter?
Answer: zebra because it has a black belt

16)

Teacher from which secondary school dun earn much?
Answer: Dunearn Secondary school

The next joke may be a tad racist but still please do take it with a pinch of salt

17)

A tourist from India came to visit Singapore and was given a tour by the tour guide. the guide took him to the marina bay Skypark, and couldn't help but boast "From here you can see the whole of Singapore, we pride ourselves on being the cleanest and greenest city.... unlike India. You won't be able to find "dirty" in Singapore!!'

Anger by the tour guide words the Indian tourist started surveying Singapore's landscape determined to prove his guide wrong. True to the tour guide word, Singapore was really a clean and green country and he would not find any fault with it. Finally, just as he was about to give up, he spotted a dirty patch amidst the sea of cleanliness.

"THERE! What’s that dirty patch there?" he said triumphantly to his tour guide. Disbelieving, the guide took the binoculars.
"Oh. That’s Little India."

Lol!! Once again I apologize if the joke sound crude

18) 

Teacher: Ah Kau, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ah Kau: $10.
Teacher: You don’t know Maths.
Ah Kau: You don’t know my father la!

So this teacher didn't give up and ask another question, this time to ah meng the gangster of the class…

19)

Teacher: Ah Meng, if you have ten apples and your neighbors take two apples from you, how many apples you left?
Ah meng: One dead neighbor and ten apples

Next was the science lesson, once again teacher pop out a question

20) 

Teacher: Where were you born?
Ah Ming: Singapore, Sir.
Teacher: Which part?
Ah Ming: All of me

Another question from the teacher...

21) 

Teacher: How old is your father, ah Lian?
Ah Lian: Same as me la.
Teacher: How can that be?
Ah Lian: He only became a father when I born lor!

22) 

Teacher: Ah Beng, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Ah Beng: A teacher

23) 

Teacher: “I killed a person” convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng: The future tense is “you will go to jail”

School ended and Ah Kau went home

24) 

Father: your teacher just calls and said that it was impossible to teach you anything!!
Ah Kau: That’s why I tell you she's no good ah!

Soon, exam period came and was over as quickly as it came...

25) 

Mother: Ah Kau, come here.
Ah Kau: Yes, mum.
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
Ah Kau: But but but….I will only get my report card tomorrow
Mother: I know that, but I’m going Hong Kong tomorrow so I’m scolding you now.

Report card came the next day...

26)

Father: Why did you fail your Mathematics Test, ah Kau?
Ah Kau: On Monday, the teacher said 3 + 5 = 8
Father: So?
Ah Kau: On Tuesday, she said 4 + 4 = 8, On Wednesday, she said 6 + 2 = 8, if she can’t make up her mind, how I know which one is the right answer?

Continuing on...

27) 

Teacher to ah meng: Why can't you answer any of the questions?
Ah meng to teacher: what could be the point of coming to school if I am able to answer all your questions, Cher?

28) 

Ah heng: teacher, I can't solve this problem
Teacher: Any five year old should be able to solve this one
Ah heng: No wonder I can't do it then, I’m, almost ten

29) 

Teacher: Define absolute zero, tom
Tom: the lowest grade you can get on a test

30) 

Teacher: What is the equivalent of sixty seconds?
Tom: give me a minute and I will think about it


31) 

Ah Beng: teacher, tom keep looking at my answer
Teacher: Don’t worry, he won't find anything

Recently, the Singapore soccer team seems to like asking foreign country soccer team to come and have a friendly match here, this is what happened after one such event

32)

A policeman was walking around and checking the national stadium after a soccer game, just then he spotted a young boy, curious the police went up to question the young boy
Police: young boy, what are you still doing here the match is already over and where are your parent?
Young boy: I don't want to go home, my father beat me, my mother beat me, everyone in my family beat me, even the family dog bark at me, I don't want to go home
Police: Then where do you want to go?
Young boy: the Singapore soccer team
Police: Why do you want to go to the Singapore soccer team?
Young boy: because the Singapore soccer team never beat anybody

33) 

I’m going home to my mother! “Threatened ah meng wife
"Go ahead! “Shouted, ah meng
"But I am coming back with her! “Stated ah meng wife triumphantly

34)

What do you call a Hokkien cow’s father and mother?
Answer: cow peh and cow bu

35)

Got this army private sent overseas for his army life
Of course, he didn’t like to go there lah. He preferred here mah. Here can go Geylang anytime.
He looked around his camp. It was in the middle of the desert. Wah Lau eh! Stay here for half a year sure die one.
So he asked his sergeant, “You know, Sergeant. We all are also a man. So here, if we cannot tahan, how?”
The sergeant smiled and pointed to some camels outside. “No worry. I understand. If you want, use the camel lor.”
Army private thought, “Wah lau eh. I die die also dun want to f* a camel.”
But three weeks later, he really cannot tahan Liao.
So that night, he chose the smallest camel and f* it.
After that, he went to the Sergeant, “Wah lau eh. F* a camel where got fun? So big. So smelly.”
“Huh?” the Sergeant’s eyes opened big big. “You f* the camel?”
“You said one mah. You said if cannot tahan, use the camel.”
“Yes, we use the camels,” the sergeant said. “We use to camels to take us to the town. There got women mah.”

36) 

Ah Seng was dying, his wife ah lian was by his bedside.“ ah lian,” he said in a tired voice, “lim peh ka li kong, there’s something I must confess.”
“Aiya,” say ah lian, “just lie down there lah, no need to say anything.”
“No,” say ah seng, “I must die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother.”
“I know,” says ah lian, “That’s why I poisoned you mah! Now lie down there and close your eyes.”

37) 

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, “You’re charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.”
A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, “You b******.”
The judge says, “You’re also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer.”
The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, “You God-damned b******.”
The judge stops, and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom, “Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more outbursts from you, or I’ll charge you with contempt. Is that a problem?”
The guy in the back of the court stands up and says, “For fifteen years, I’ve lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one.”

38) 

An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.
She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you use to bite my neck. "Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"

39) 

Why is teacher mostly bachelor?
Answer: because when they talk no one is listening

40)

Twenty minutes into the one hour journey to ah swee party...
Ah Lian: stop, we got to go home
Ah Lian husband: why?
Ah Lian: I’ve forgotten my phone
Ah Lian husband: trust me you will be having too much fun at a party to remember your phone
Ah Lian: But I need to call ah swee and tell her that we'll be late
Ah Lian husband: why will we be late?
Ah Lian: because we had to go back for my phone

Ah Lian was at the party..

41) 

Ah swee: My husband has one hundred thousand in his bank!
Ah Lian: That’s nothing I made my husband a millionaire!
Ah swee: How did you do it?
Ah lian: When i spend his ten millions...



42)
One day, ah meng show up at work with a black eye
Ah Seng to ah meng: you look terrible, did you have a fight with your wife last night?
Ah meng to ah seng: yes I did but do not worry, because I always have the last word in an argument
Ah Seng to ah meng: what is the last word?
Ah meng to ah seng: it’s sorry

43)

a man has just got his, new library card, having some queries he approach the pretty librarian
Man to pretty librarian: with this card, can I take out any book?
Librarian to man: Yes, you may
Man to the pretty librarian: can I also, borrow and take out DVD?
Pretty librarian to man: Yes, you may
Man to pretty librarian: Can I also borrow and take you out?
Pretty librarian (blushing) to man: the librarian, sir, are for reference only

44)

During rush hour, there was a heavy traffic jam
Passenger to taxi driver: can you go any faster?
Taxi driver to passenger: can lah but I am not allowed to leave my taxi lah

45) 

James went to the dentist to get his wisdom tooth pluck out. James asked the dentist “how much for pulling out my wisdom tooth"?
"50 dollars!" Came the reply
"50 dollars for such a quick operation?!!" Complained James
"I would do it very slowly to get your money worth" came the quick reply

More ns joke...

46)

A: Have you heard about the stupid blur sotong recruit in tekong
B: No, what did he do?
A: when the sergeant asked him to drop twenty, he took out twenty cents and drop on the floor!
47)

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich. He said,
"Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?"
"I love it but I have to stop eating it."
"Why?" he asked.
She pointed to her lap and said,
"Because I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"
"Let me see," he said.
"Okay," she said and she pulled up her skirt,
He looked and said,
"That's right you better not eat any more chicken."
He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl,
"I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!"
She asked if she could look so he pulled down his pants for her. "Oh, my God, it's too late for you, you've already got the neck and gizzard!!" she said.

48) 

A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window.
He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed, the doctor began to stroke her thigh.
He asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"That is right," said the doctor.
He then began to fondle her breasts.
"Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or Breast Cancer."
"Correct," replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounts his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.
He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place!"

49)
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out and I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that.
"Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."
He replied in a hushed whisper “you never told me that your dad was a pharmacist!"

50)

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves when the little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."
The grandfather smiles. "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather, impressed with his grandson's ingenuity, hands him five dollars ... then grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.
The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars?"
The grandfather replies, "Yes, I know. But that's from your grandma!"


Hope you all enjoy the jokes,another 50 jokes coming up in a future post!

(Post 87/Year 2 week 24)Zero dollar project updates:carousell,Bitcoin Faucets,Short Link,Online survey and Adsense update

It's been a pretty long time since i last updated my zero dollar project due to studies,anyway with holiday coming up,do expect more frequent blog post update.

Updates for zero dollar project
1.Carousell
2.Bitcoin faucets
3.Short link
4.Online survey
5.Adsense update

1.Carousell

My carousell:carousell.com/eric996

Due to studies, Carousell activities has only been resumed this week,hence only two sales this week.

Total earnings for carousell from last update:$2 + $2=$4


2.Bitcoin faucets

Current coinpot holding

Bitcoin core: 6569 Satoshi
Bitcoin cash: 15498 bch
Dogecoin: 67.95. doge
Litecoin:  0.00235414 ltc
Dashcoin: 0.00084884 dash

3.Short link

Last x week

Currently

Total earning for short link last update:$6.2804.-$4.3859=$1.8945

For more information on how's I use both short link on my blog and YouTube, read here

4.Online survey

Current online survey on my list...(Bold mean that these survey websites have been verified for payout)

4.1 Toluna
4.2.surveyon
4.3 YouGov
4.4 mobrog
4.5 ipanelonline
4.6 viewfruit
4.7 mysurvey
4.8 millleu(App on google play store)

Survey that payout surveyon,mobrog,toluna,yougov,ipanelonline

The total payout from last project update:$6.54+$5.00+$2.00+$5.00+$6.25+$20.00+$6.25+$9.56+$5.00=$65.60

5.Adsense
*May update only

This month earning for Adsense:$0.06

Total earnings for lastest update of zero dollar project:$4 + $1.8945+ +$65.60.+$0.06 =$71.55

That's all for the updates  for my zero dollar project!